French Maids or Monopoly?

It was with some horror that the subject of this post was introduced to me by a friend recently and, in the spirit of ensuring a fair trial was given to the concept, I have just undertaken about 5-10 minutes of solid research (including an article in The Independent) - which therefore deems this virtual hard-hitting journalism.

My mind has been made up. I NEVER want a Hag Party.

So the reporting of others tells me, the days when a last-night-before-the-rest-of-your-life binge ended in a headache at best, or the British consulate liberating the bridegroom at worst, are numbered. Hen and stag parties are going co-ed. The traditional single-sex shindig is being replaced, for all but the youngest couples, by mixed, more sedate, outings attended by friends of both the bride and groom.

Now, as someone with a number of good male friends, all of whom I love going out with, I can see how this has arisen - especially in the instance where the Brides friends are shared with the Groom, or that a girlfriends partner has become part of the gang. However, there is a big difference between organising a shared night of celebration for both parties (or else whats the reception?!), and inviting your future spouse to join in the fun (/be horrified by the carnage) of your last night as a 'single' girl.

According to Dean Yardley, managing director of online wedding forum Hitched.co.uk, the rise in the average marriage age and the increasing phenomenon of female "best men" have both had a huge effect on the rise of the Hag. Yardley said: "Couples choose less adrenaline-filled weekends but split up during the day, maybe golf for the men and pampering for the women. Groups are perhaps a dozen or so of either sex and they'll meet up again in the evening and go to restaurants and clubs."

To me, the above ideas actually sound like alot of fun, and an enjoyable way to spend a weekend with friends. But as a weekend away or a random trip, not as my swansong to the days of ticking the 'Miss' box. And herein lies the problem...

I have been spoilt, and this is manifesting itself in two ways with regards to my views on the rise of the Hag;

Problem 1) Over the past years I have been lucky enough to go away with various groups of friends on weekends away, extended holidays, mini-breaks, nights out across the country, trips to european party-hotspots and in the meantime spent half of the year working in resorts which lend themselves nicely to the pursuit of a decent night out or two*. So when it comes to my own see-off into matrimony the bar has, unfortunately, been raised to near-impossible heights. Fancy dress? Check, Strippers? Check, Lap dance (received not given)? Check, Seeing incredible bands and DJs in Ibiza's various so-named super clubs? Check, A best friend flying in with presents ready to party? Check, Celebrity 'bumps'? Check (Late night hotdogs? Check Check Check) - and that was just my birthday week last year.

So you see? I, as per so many of those who I would want to spend that occasion with, am a tough crowd. So, while it can be said that 'its not where you are, but who you're with' (which I do agree with on the whole) - I'm afraid that 'Alton Towers and board games**' (a GENUINE Hag suggestion I have just come across) with the whole crew just won't cut it for me on that one special day.

Problem 2) (aka The root of the issue) On many of the occasions and trips mentioned above I was in the company of various members of the afore-noted circle of male friends. While I am aware that some of the boys I tend to socialise with are of a certain moral-less ilk, I am also aware that what I have learnt from being their friend will play a major factor in my non-Hag stance, and here is why;

If, as a couple, me and my betrothed agreed to have a hag...I have no doubt in my mind that my delightful husband-to-be will just have a stag anyway! Maybe this would suggest that I go for the wrong type of man, and that I should be spending my days seeking a nice boy who will happily wave goodbye to batchelorhood by trading small plastic houses for paper money with my nearest and dearest girls. But then I'd have to spend the rest of my life with him, and I'm not sure thats really so me. While I'm not suggesting that I would want a man who spends the next 60years after we say 'I do' sneaking around after other women and getting lapdances 'because its the weekend', I understand that on that notorious night, surrounded by a costumed team of rowdy and intoxicated friends, nipple tassles are half-expected. Personally, I'd rather be able to hear the stories and cringe along with the antics (not all obviously because 'what goes on tour... blah, blah, blah') while wondering what I've let myself in for than be lied to about 'a night out with the lads' after the Hag, when I'm missing out on the one time you can legitimately cover yourself in cock-related paraphernalia without people asking questions.

As a girl who once received a boyfriend's one phone call from a Polish jail telling her that his 'naughtier friend' had accidently brought home a hooker instead of a charmed and willing lady, and that they may need to stay a couple more days the day before I left the country for five months having given the immortal instructions 'enjoy yourselves, but please don't get arrested before I leave', you may think that I would be against the Stag do tradition and all that it appears to be growing into. However, despite the last minute drama and necessary groveling that occurred as a direct result of that trip, I continued to encourage the same Boy to attend any other Groom's good-byes, as it meant that I had free reign for my girly holidays throughout the year - a perk that I would never want to be jeopardised by jealousy or insecurity, and an example of the importance I place on retaining ones independence in even the closest of relationships.

Recently a couple of my closest girls made it clear to me that, when their time comes, they would be horrified by the attendance of a naked oily man at their hen-do and do not want to be sashed and veiled for the amusement of a braying crowd. Maybe a sophisticated and stylish Hag night would fit the bill better in those cases, and certainly I'm not berating the idea itself as everyone is different. However, while I'm not attempting to sell myself as a classless floozy who is stuck in the 90's***, I am sure that when my time comes I wont be satisfied with a night spent partying with my man - thats what the rest of our lives will be for****.



*Please note, I've also worked super-hard.
** And I LOVE board games.
*** A legitimate reason why I don't see a hen OR hag in my imminent future, irrelevant of my preferences?? Food for thought, indeed!
**** I'm nothing if not positive.