Attention : Mystery in Summer Bay

I have just seen an article headed 'Is there another baby Borat on the way for Isla and Sacha?', and scattered with picture titles such as 'Baby on board?' and 'Something to tell us?'

Well, forgive me for being presumptuous, but unless Isla fisher is wearing a cushion under her clothes as a joke (two days on the trot, the prankster), I'd say with some certainty that she is, in fact, with child.

Are they blind???


Big Lunch?


The plot (and waist) thickens...

Idiots.

Procrastination Predicament...

Today I have had quite a bit of work to do but, since I am still getting back into the swing of budgets and goal-formulation (like at school when you went back in September and had forgotten how to write), I have also been finding any available distraction to ensure that my productivity doesn't peak too soon.

For the past half an hour or so I have been attempting to answer the following 'would you rather..'-esque (best classroom game ever) question and, since I haven't been able to make a decision yet, thought that I would put it out there for your own deliberation.

So, would you rather have an impeccable, hollywood star-after-boot-camp, smoking hot bikini body for one summer only, but after which time you don't know how or when it will deteriorate, OR an average mid-size, but bit soft and wobbly, figue that won't change either way for the rest of your life??

Hmmm, I just can't decide. While having the celeb body to parade about with would be super-exciting and might help you meet hotties beyond your wildest dreams while feeling confident and happy in your own skin, you wouldn't want to meet a shallow partner who then dropped you the next year once your look had inevitably faded and been replaced with a winters-worth of pizza, warming roasts and festive beverages directed straight to your middle (it's happened to the best of us). Then again, I'd like to think that I wouldn't be so stupid as to fall for someone who wasn't in it for more than my limited-edition body, and had no interest in me beside physical attributes, and if I declined would I get to 60, knowing that my prime bikini days are over, wishing that I'd taken up the chance to enjoy one beach-season in a body that ticked every box?

Shallow discussion? Yes, but still I find myself wondering whether I'd opt for...

A) The athletic abs of Kelly Carlson of Nip/Tuck (I didn't choose this because of her sex-face, I just googled 'Amazing beach body' while researching, and she was one of my favourites.)


or B) Kim Kardashians feminine curves and flat stomach.

Its a biggie. Guess I'll have to do my spreadsheets later.

Cat in the Hat - Update!

Some regular readers may remember my big decision from last week with regards to my Dr Suess-style summer dress purchase.

Well, the article had a massive response (two people mentioned it to me), so I thought I'd let you know that following much soul-searching and deliberation, and the discovery that not only do I have underwear issues with it, but that it also clearly reveals the lesser-liked tattoo of yesteryear on my 'lower back' - I have opted to keep it!

This was really never in doubt, was it...

Bang Tidy? No, you're alright...

So... the eagle memory-d among you may remember that while in Andorra for The Big Snow Festival I was cruelly subjected to the task of being 'bang-tidy' for an afternoon of photographic fun with 'The Boy from Loaded'.

Its taken just over a week for me to go from initial publication mortification to acceptance. But now, I've decided that while I may not have particularly enjoyed the impromptu 'shoot', or the initial horror of realising that said Boy wasn't just lying about using them to make us feel special - I am embracing my once-in-a-lifetime chance at having a bizarre set of photos included on a legitimate 'lads mag' website (magazine pending... I may not take that one so well!), without being 'one of those girls' who sends them their own...


After all, what grandchild wouldn't want to be told about this by their nan?!

Channelling Dr Seuss

It doesn't take a genius to work out that there is a direct correlation between my usual end-of-winter poverty and my complete lack of self control. This is why, despite not having enough money at present to afford a decent haircut or use anything but Tesco own-brand facial wipes (however surprisingly good for the skin they may be) I purchased the following item, among others, from Topshop, on the extra-urgent-emergency credit card;



It isn't very 'me', it is a peculiar length, it's a little too small as they only had the size below, I doubt it will be very practical in Greece, it's only flattering when standing up as sitting down shows that I remain the least-toned person I know, my sister claimed that it was reminicent of 'The Cat in the Hat' (I give it two weeks until a request to borrow it occurs..) and I haven't made a final decision yet on whether it will stay in my company to the stage of wearing and tag-removal.

And yet, I REALLY want to keep him...

French Maids or Monopoly?

It was with some horror that the subject of this post was introduced to me by a friend recently and, in the spirit of ensuring a fair trial was given to the concept, I have just undertaken about 5-10 minutes of solid research (including an article in The Independent) - which therefore deems this virtual hard-hitting journalism.

My mind has been made up. I NEVER want a Hag Party.

So the reporting of others tells me, the days when a last-night-before-the-rest-of-your-life binge ended in a headache at best, or the British consulate liberating the bridegroom at worst, are numbered. Hen and stag parties are going co-ed. The traditional single-sex shindig is being replaced, for all but the youngest couples, by mixed, more sedate, outings attended by friends of both the bride and groom.

Now, as someone with a number of good male friends, all of whom I love going out with, I can see how this has arisen - especially in the instance where the Brides friends are shared with the Groom, or that a girlfriends partner has become part of the gang. However, there is a big difference between organising a shared night of celebration for both parties (or else whats the reception?!), and inviting your future spouse to join in the fun (/be horrified by the carnage) of your last night as a 'single' girl.

According to Dean Yardley, managing director of online wedding forum Hitched.co.uk, the rise in the average marriage age and the increasing phenomenon of female "best men" have both had a huge effect on the rise of the Hag. Yardley said: "Couples choose less adrenaline-filled weekends but split up during the day, maybe golf for the men and pampering for the women. Groups are perhaps a dozen or so of either sex and they'll meet up again in the evening and go to restaurants and clubs."

To me, the above ideas actually sound like alot of fun, and an enjoyable way to spend a weekend with friends. But as a weekend away or a random trip, not as my swansong to the days of ticking the 'Miss' box. And herein lies the problem...

I have been spoilt, and this is manifesting itself in two ways with regards to my views on the rise of the Hag;

Problem 1) Over the past years I have been lucky enough to go away with various groups of friends on weekends away, extended holidays, mini-breaks, nights out across the country, trips to european party-hotspots and in the meantime spent half of the year working in resorts which lend themselves nicely to the pursuit of a decent night out or two*. So when it comes to my own see-off into matrimony the bar has, unfortunately, been raised to near-impossible heights. Fancy dress? Check, Strippers? Check, Lap dance (received not given)? Check, Seeing incredible bands and DJs in Ibiza's various so-named super clubs? Check, A best friend flying in with presents ready to party? Check, Celebrity 'bumps'? Check (Late night hotdogs? Check Check Check) - and that was just my birthday week last year.

So you see? I, as per so many of those who I would want to spend that occasion with, am a tough crowd. So, while it can be said that 'its not where you are, but who you're with' (which I do agree with on the whole) - I'm afraid that 'Alton Towers and board games**' (a GENUINE Hag suggestion I have just come across) with the whole crew just won't cut it for me on that one special day.

Problem 2) (aka The root of the issue) On many of the occasions and trips mentioned above I was in the company of various members of the afore-noted circle of male friends. While I am aware that some of the boys I tend to socialise with are of a certain moral-less ilk, I am also aware that what I have learnt from being their friend will play a major factor in my non-Hag stance, and here is why;

If, as a couple, me and my betrothed agreed to have a hag...I have no doubt in my mind that my delightful husband-to-be will just have a stag anyway! Maybe this would suggest that I go for the wrong type of man, and that I should be spending my days seeking a nice boy who will happily wave goodbye to batchelorhood by trading small plastic houses for paper money with my nearest and dearest girls. But then I'd have to spend the rest of my life with him, and I'm not sure thats really so me. While I'm not suggesting that I would want a man who spends the next 60years after we say 'I do' sneaking around after other women and getting lapdances 'because its the weekend', I understand that on that notorious night, surrounded by a costumed team of rowdy and intoxicated friends, nipple tassles are half-expected. Personally, I'd rather be able to hear the stories and cringe along with the antics (not all obviously because 'what goes on tour... blah, blah, blah') while wondering what I've let myself in for than be lied to about 'a night out with the lads' after the Hag, when I'm missing out on the one time you can legitimately cover yourself in cock-related paraphernalia without people asking questions.

As a girl who once received a boyfriend's one phone call from a Polish jail telling her that his 'naughtier friend' had accidently brought home a hooker instead of a charmed and willing lady, and that they may need to stay a couple more days the day before I left the country for five months having given the immortal instructions 'enjoy yourselves, but please don't get arrested before I leave', you may think that I would be against the Stag do tradition and all that it appears to be growing into. However, despite the last minute drama and necessary groveling that occurred as a direct result of that trip, I continued to encourage the same Boy to attend any other Groom's good-byes, as it meant that I had free reign for my girly holidays throughout the year - a perk that I would never want to be jeopardised by jealousy or insecurity, and an example of the importance I place on retaining ones independence in even the closest of relationships.

Recently a couple of my closest girls made it clear to me that, when their time comes, they would be horrified by the attendance of a naked oily man at their hen-do and do not want to be sashed and veiled for the amusement of a braying crowd. Maybe a sophisticated and stylish Hag night would fit the bill better in those cases, and certainly I'm not berating the idea itself as everyone is different. However, while I'm not attempting to sell myself as a classless floozy who is stuck in the 90's***, I am sure that when my time comes I wont be satisfied with a night spent partying with my man - thats what the rest of our lives will be for****.



*Please note, I've also worked super-hard.
** And I LOVE board games.
*** A legitimate reason why I don't see a hen OR hag in my imminent future, irrelevant of my preferences?? Food for thought, indeed!
**** I'm nothing if not positive.

A Friend Was Born, A 'Saviour' Died - I Showed My Appreciation......

So, having been no-doubt enthralled by my pre-Easter weekend countdown of preparation and lounging around based achievement, I will now follow that up with a list of what occured on the weekend itself. The list is, as always, not inclusive as, like Samantha informed her own circle about Carrie's apartment in SATC - "alot of shit went down...."

So here it is - how to go from THIS...


...to THIS


...Mostly due to THIS...


In 20 simple steps!

1) Myself and Clark Kent travelled smoothly and happily to Peterborough in the Easter sunshine and checked into what turned out to be an unexpectedly nice hotel
2) I watched about 5 seconds of revolutionary '3D Sky football', and decided that it was average because I didn't have to seemingly dodge a rogue ball flying out at me, as I had imagined(/hoped).
3) I, amazingly, stuck to my self imposed 2 Magners daytime drinking limit, while those around me got stuck in. (I knew I'd never be able to get dressed up if I had any more due to the recent revelation that I can't drink copiously any more)
4) I ate a large and delicious McDonalds meal - solely in the interests of carb-ing up for later, you understand.
5) I back-combed my hair to within an inch of its life until it stood up on end, Russell Brand stylee, used at least half a large can of tressemme hairspray and created what will forever to be known to me as 'my once in a lifetime BIG HAIR do'.
6) I donned a confusing Wonder Woman/Super Girl hybrid costume (so described because it was clearly WW, and yet the belt declared 'S'. Two hilarious party go-ers, one incidently a boss of mine, suggested it may mean 'Slag'. Theres an HR case there somewhere I'm sure...) and joined my Care Bear friend to join a bizarre group of walking, talking 80s Cartoons and Superheroes in the hotel bar before making our way to the venue.
7)Attended a 30th Birthday party which will forever go down as the most competitive fancy-dress event the world has ever seen. The costumes were immense and the prizes hotly contended, with top prize going to a pair of well crafted Poddington Peas (my Care Bear chum didn't fare so well, although her 'worst costume' medal was worn proudly for the next 36 hours straight AT LEAST, it was only that I didn't see her after that, she could well still be wearing it....)
8) Drank ALOT of tequila.
9) Left the party as the doors shut behind us, moving on to the Boro's hottest carpeted nightspot with Tweety Pie, Sylvester, Rainbow Brite, Jerry (of Tom &.. fame), Spiderman and The Silver Surfer, as you do...
10)...And abandoned said hotspot shortly after when the bizarreness of the venue turned out to be just too much.
11) Got treated to a surprise hot dog. It's known among a (very) small circle that I can be very easily led once fed from a grubby-looking van.
12) Abandoned 'The Most Painful Boots EVER' and sat in the hotel bar with, by this time, a much decreased group of costumed drinkers until we realised that it was 5.30am and we were getting death-stares from the staff over the dimmed lights (meanwhile, was given pizza to seal the deal).
13) Watched the worst pay-per-view hotel porn ever made with an equally unimpressed group (just to be clear, I didn't pay and barely viewed). If you ever stay at a Park Inn hotel, don't bother.
14) Made my way the next morning to Leicester to further my Easter adventures at the annual eggstravaganza (sorry) that is Bonnet Day, while nursing a not unbearable hangover and downing Lucozade.
15) Got the convoy lost after claiming my AA routeplanner would solve all directional issues. "Ooh, just follow me...". Idiot.
16) Ate an extraordinary Sunday lunch at The Almanak in Highgate. If you're in the area, I thoroughly recommend. The creamy leeks, massive yorkshire puddings and mini-egg cheesecake were all notable highlights.
17) Drank non-stop, steadily and excessively for hours, trailing Leicester's finest and grubbiest bars while singing rugby-tour songs and trading ridiculous headwear with the Bonnet crew of 2010. Played darts, instigated an 'accidental' dart attack which drew blood, made friends with old women, sang kareoke and wore a 'caution wet floor' sign within my jeans, which I later successfully managed to convince the doorman I had brought from home.
18) Got officially asked to BE A BRIDESMAID! (see below post for details...) and celebrated a very special engagement.
19) Left only when the police intervened (which was only a matter of time), used my largest friend as a shield from the cold while we hid round the corner on a wall, got a taxi home and stopped for a burger (because no-one likes change...).
20) Returned home the next day feeling bruised, hungover, bloated, a bit sick - but as content and happy as one can after a fabulous and frivolous weekend which I hope can be repeated AT ONCE!

Good work to all those involved! x

Very Happy News!

It is with massive excitement, and a sense of long-due relief, that I can confirm that two of my favourite people have finally decided to tie the knot, following a much anticipated (at least I have been...) proposal which occured while the pair were on holiday last week!

Jonny and Emily have been a massive part of my life since they took me under their wing when I first started working with them and have been two of my best friends ever since. Now, or at least within the next year, they can make their coupledom official at what I'm sure will be a truly amazing wedding!

Congratulations to you both, I couldn't be happier for you! x


Jonny, Emily and Ring

(P.s To be completely honest at this stage another reason that I am beyond super-excited is that I have been asked to be a bridesmaid and couldn't be more honoured! Roll on the hen do, there'll be some Moet consumed that night... )

It's (a) Good Friday!

I love getting ready for a big party, and feel that the build-up which leads to such an event definitely does the job of getting me super-excited for a fun night out. Today, despite the dreary sky and torrential rain I devoted my time to preparing myself to head to the Boro in the morning to begin what I'm sure will be a very fun Easter weekend with lots of my favourite people. This also alleviates one of my biggest ever pet hates - rushing, and being rushed - which would otherwise have inevitably happened when I was supposed to be leaving (there is no doubt in my mind that there will still be a minor rush for something I have forgotten with minutes to spare, but since I even wrote a packing list for this trip I feel I have done all I can to minimise my pain).

Here is a list of everything I have achieved today, in no particular order. It is not long, but it is very satisfying;

1) Eaten 3 Babybels (not Light. Oops).
2) Managed to get a coveted M&S parking space despite Good Friday 'Easter Hostess food shopper' crowds
3) Waved and smiled at my favourite florist. (This is as far as our relationship will ever go, since I am convinced he is gay. In 2002 he took my number in the queue for Time & Envy after I had expressed my interest by subtly buying random flowers, yet he never asked me out or attempted to kiss me. That is the only possible reason, surely. And he is a florist).
3) Eaten a really nice pastrami, salad, beetroot and horseradish baguette, made by my Dad, and a delicious roast beef dinner made by my Mum. Jesus would have wanted me to be looked after during this holy period.
4) Watched lots of TV
5) Spent over an hour in the bath reading a magazine, texting and shaving my legs - WITHOUT CUTTING MYSELF!! (very rare).
6) Eaten 4 melt-in-the-mouth Belgian Truffles that I got instead of an Easter Egg. For someone who doesn't really like chocolate, I sure do enjoy a truffle.
7) Curled my hair, in preparation for it to be dirty enough to backcomb tomorrow as part of my fancy-dress look.
8) Bought wrapping paper and demanded it be replaced when the shopkeeper folded it 3 times (!) before stuffing it in a bag! If I'd wanted the presents to look rubbish, I'd have used sheets of the Romford Recorder!
9) Drank red wine
10) Tried on my new red lipstick. Again.

Thats it! What a thoroughly enjoyable day...

The tip of the Idiot Iceberg

Sometimes, very occasionally I admit, I feel just for a few days like I have everything on track in a minor but pleasing fashion. When these infrequent periods of time occur I wish that I had Bernard's Watch (I wish this alot more than I think is healthy, it was just such a good programme/concept) so that I could press pause and elongate the time that I can bask in reasonable contentment.

Next thing I know, for reasons beyond my control, I've asked an online Magic 8-Ball to make a potentially damaging life decision - and taken its advice. In case you can't beleive that this happened (whch would be understandable) here is the exact answer I received.



Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you Magic 8 Ball?!

Whats that, you're NOT qualified to lead me down such a path?

Too little, too late - so now we wait for an outcome....

Garden Party

Just in case any mysterious wealthy benefactors have a)happened upon this blog and b)stayed to read it, then before you realise that it is mainly nonsense and leave to read your FT while dismissing me as shallow, please take a few moments to consider this plea.

You see, in the words of Elton, 'I don't have much money but boy, if I did..' I would snap up the following items from H&M's new organic Garden Collection for SS'10...



Admittedly, I wont have an enormously frequent need for the Rose Corsage Jacket throughout my summer months in Greece, but never underestimate how happy it would make me any time I did get to slip it over my shoulders and prance around feeling girly (I did recently discover that my friends ever-stylish flatmate managed to obtain one of these during those crucial first hours apres-launch last week, I smiled politely but shed a jealous tear inside). The Floral Bodice Top however, would be a season staple, a true day-to-nighter and a much cherished addition to my wardrobe.

So, if you are feeling generous please apply within for details of postage and sizing requirements. I promise that I will wear them to the best of my ability and, as if you needed more reason than making the day of a kind, friendly and polite stranger (thats me), the entire collection is sourced from environmentally adapted, recycled fabrics. You may as well just collect your ticket to heaven now...

Introducing BurgerWatch!™

I love burgers, they are awesome. I seldom find a burger that I don't enjoy every single bite of, and best of all due to the growing availability of those new-age 'gourmet' burgers they are now acceptable eating fayre in (almost) all situations. Recently, whilst lunching, I was horrified by the casual confession that my friend 'doesn't really like burgers', and as he nonchalantly ordered a sandwich (a sandwich! Imagine! I went for a Bacon Cheeseburger, natch.) I swear he must have seen my eyes flickering quickly in my head as I made an instant list of reasons why I shouldn't dis-own him there and then (I'm too nice). What's not to like? (I did actually receive a list-based answer to that question, but I'd stopped listening to him by then.)

So, while I have no snobbery towards this meaty treat - I am equally as happy consuming a quarter-pounder with cheese, as I am gorging on a GBK special - I feel that the only reason a person has for not being a fan is that they just haven't come across the 'right' burger for them.

So, to alleviate this problem, and hopefully justify my indulging in these calorie-laden patties of heaven, I introduce BurgerWatch!™
An occasional (when I've had one) homage to the variety of Burgers available world-wide, and a chance for me to review them - so you don't have too. Meanwhile I'll wait for a call re: my Sainthood...

BurgerWatch!™ # 1. The Grand Union - Clapham, London


The Grand Union's Bacon Cheeseburger - A treat for the eyes, AND the palate!

The Grand Union is my sort of pub. Chilled wine? Yes. Cosy and Rustic? Yes. Gorgeous Gardens? Yes. Full menu of gourmet burger-based treats? Yes. If it was a man, I wouldn't kick it out of bed for making crumbs.

Between myself and two of my favourite girls we ordered a veritable feast of burgers, delicious crunchy fries, AMAZING onion rings and coleslaw. It provided a strong contender for Claridge's Burger of The Year! (a much-coveted award I just invented) and I urge anyone to pay a visit should they find themselves in the area. Obv having fabulous company to accompany your meal comes as standard if you have nice friends, like I do. x


Just a simple Sunday lunch for 3...


Excited before the food arrived! (Im not double the size of Sarah, it's that damn 'perspective' striking again)


Mozza's eyes were screaming for fries

Accidental Cougarism

3 worrying things happened within a recent 24hr period that made me feel like I have inappropriately changed. This is bearing in mind that I have never had an interest in younger men(boys), and don't think its about to start now...

1) I commented on a newly aquired male 'friends' post on Facebook only to discover that they were born in 1991.

2) I became 'friends' (Facebook, as always, has alot to answer for in this situation) with a Father and Son in the same day, without immediately realising the connection.

3) This one is quite bad. While stuck in traffic on the M25 I partook in my usual activity of staring into other peoples cars to see who's about, but had a horrific moment of self realisation when I craned my neck to look into a mini-bus which I knew full well was labelled '******* Grammar School for Boys'. This was no accident - I did it thinking 'well, there's no-one nice in any other car'.

Forgive me Father, for I have (mentally) sinned...

Save yourselves

They may be high-fashion due to their mentions on Glee and by rappers and songstresses nationwide but beware - the SEXT is, evidently, not for everyone. Worst aspect? They can't be revoked and are potentially reference-able forever. If in doubt just go for a timeless 'Hi, how was your day', Its safer and very unlikely to fail in such a harrowing way. Shame really, because when applied correctly they are in my opinion one of the top 10 day-makers.


Next time you find yourself hovering over that 'send' button, consider yourself warned...

Attention Percy fans!

Right, I don't know how to break this news to the purists among you, but mark my words, it is super exciting!

So I was in Marks & Spencers (obv) and just as I was standing at the till realising that, as per every time, I had not remembered to bring bags my eyes were drawn away with some (inner)commotion. It was like the powers that be had finally recognised me as a dedicated follower of their produce and had read my mind in order to create the perfect confectionary.

Ladies and Gentleman I present to you...the REVERSY PERCY!!!!!



Sometimes, there are no words... (I think the Percy on the front agrees)

Amen x

It Erts to keep going...

Lucky girl that I am, I'm writing this as I slowly recover from one of the best weeks of my life spent at the inaugaral Big Snow Festival in Arinsal, Andorra. Having applied to work the event at the end of last season, and finding out that I had a place while in Thailand over Christmas (I'm obviously only writing that as, having started this in March I haven't had opportunity to gloat), it had been a long time in the waiting. Add to that the fact that as a completely new event no-one had any idea what to expect beyond what we have learnt from the many years of UK winter-festival running we have under our collective belts.

Well, disappointed we - and every guest/act/DJ/artist - were not. The atmosphere was awesome, the weather better than we could have hoped and the overall delivery of this exciting new event ensured that this will no doubt be the first of many more Big Snows to come! I appreciate that I may seem like a biased party to all this, but the reviews (much like my hips) don't lie.

So, since I couldn't (and probably shouldn't) possibly mention every good thing that happened during that one crazy week I will list some personal favourites... (in no particular order and most certainly not inclusive)

1) Pendulum - always at the very top of my to-see list on any event bill, Pendulum were on absolute form. Oh, and they played on a specially created mountain side stage and dropped 'Slam' just as a team of skiers descended the mountain carrying torches creating a beyond-awesome effect in the darkness. Mosh pits, beers, lots of dancing, general mentalness = outstanding.

A rubbish photo of the stage which does no justice at all! Pretty lights though..


Mid-performance hero worship

2) Snowboarding! - One incredible perk of working during the festival was getting the opportunity to learn how to Snowboard, attending a 5 day course with our instructor, Punti, who loved a chat. Having virtually zeroboarding experience between us didnt get in our way. Instead, we practised until our knees were black and tender and we could barely sit down without wincing - that said, we looked super cool.


My Board-School Group and Punti. The only problem with having matching festival-branded snowwear is that people expect you to be really good... (P.s Girls, at this point I was crying actual tears like a child because my feet hurt, note how well I covered it up for photographic purposes, although I refused to go and get my board. I manned-up shortly afterwards.)


As I said...super cool.

3) Magners? Plentiful. Eristoff Black? Don't mind if I do.

4) The realisation hitting that when you work for our company, you could be asked to do LITERALLY anything. And you probably will. This weeks challenge? Attempting to be 'bang-tidy' for one day only. For the uneducated in this field, this involves wearing surprise hot-pants, a vest and uggs ("you should take it as a compliment" - once a seller, always a seller) and partaking in what starts as 'having a few pictures with the lads', and snowballs into 'give me naughty, I want naughty'.

Most horrifying conversation of the week?
Me "So, just remind me, what exactly are these photos being used for"
Photographer "Oh, just promo stuff... although they might appear in the magazine"
Me "Oh".


What Viv doesn't know...

5)All the DJ's and Acts being genuinely friendly and really getting involved with the guests and the festival itself even when they weren't playing. So nice when sometimes they are kept away by security people etc. My short-list of favourites in terms of politeness? (You don't get this in Mixmag)
Toddla T (one of the biggest and best surprises of the festival, go and see him if you ever get the chance - amazing!)
Calvin Harris (redeemed himself following our last meeting, or lack of)
Daddy Earl (mainly gave me father-like advice)
Stereo:type (awesome performance, very nice indeed)
Jay Funk (and his missus Kristy) (Lots of fun, and he played his ass off!)



6) Dirty Sanchez's Pritchard & Dainton - The best type of animals!!

Pritchard - best eyes ever!


Dainton - who appears to be a fan of Eristoff Black also!

7)Ok, so its a bit of an odd number to finish on, but otherwise I'll just keep going and this will be the longest post ever. So i'll save the rest for another time and say that number 7 is defo one of the best - spending a week laughing until I cried on a daily basis with some of my absolute favourites. You can't say better than that!










Thanks to everyone involved - until next March! xx
www.thebigsnowfestival.com

Searching for Superstars...

So after 4 hectic, poverty-ridden yet wonderful, months of unemployed fun,games and holidays it was back to work with a bang this week. Obviously the much (not at all) hyped trip to Bolton last week strictly begun my return to the grindstone, but I don't think I'm allowed to comment on that for legal reasons, no really. All I will say, in a mysterious yet telling way, is that I am now not only accredited in some small, very non-specifically-being-identified-here way by CORGI (the gas people), I also hold a Level 2(!) qualification in - wait for it - Food Safety in Catering. I know what your thinking, but green really isn't your colour.

So, onto my 'first' assignment of 2010. Now, I have never been fishing (stick with me), but I imagine that the concept is similar to that of our recruitment academy. Lots of fish, big pond, but crucially - everyone after the same prime catches. Some years the water is plentiful and we can barely turn round without seeing a candidate who we would brand 'the next big one', some years (this one - truth hurts people) things are very different and finding those prized carp (massive guess) becomes more like panning for gold in a sewer. This analogy might become even more appropriate when you discover that this process is held in no other than, you guessed it, Skegness! Days 1-3 of 25 in the dreamland = done.

However, far from being offended if you happen to fall into the category of a) academy attendee and b) reader of this blog (which is, lets face it, unlikely at this stage), it just means that we were in the fortunate position whereby those candidates who made it from nervy assessed public speakers on day one, to fully fledged certified staff on the Sunday morning are in an even stronger position. As always, there were 'yes's', there were 'no's', but I can honestly say that all those who fought their way into the net and made it onto our team for summer 2010 have already impressed me in one way or another, and I can't wait to see how they continue to improve. In the meantime if anyone ever needs to hire someone who has THE.BEST.TIME in all situations to bring life, and indeed soul, to any party then give me a shout - I know just the girl...

Roll on Summer!

(P.s If any of the team happen to read this then please note the faith I already have in you. Don't be rubbish and make me regret it in front of my friends. I'm sure you won't.)

In the beginning...

So, here it is (will be), six years in the making (thinking), the official story behind my consistent seasonal disappearances which will hopefully put paid to all 'hilarious' "did you enjoy your holiday?"-based gags once and for all. I appreciate that the occasional one might still slip through the net, but lets see how it goes...

I only ask one thing in return for what I'm sure will be mountains of literary gold - please censor me when I forget, you know I have occasional issues with appropriateness. Gracias xx