Garden Party

Just in case any mysterious wealthy benefactors have a)happened upon this blog and b)stayed to read it, then before you realise that it is mainly nonsense and leave to read your FT while dismissing me as shallow, please take a few moments to consider this plea.

You see, in the words of Elton, 'I don't have much money but boy, if I did..' I would snap up the following items from H&M's new organic Garden Collection for SS'10...



Admittedly, I wont have an enormously frequent need for the Rose Corsage Jacket throughout my summer months in Greece, but never underestimate how happy it would make me any time I did get to slip it over my shoulders and prance around feeling girly (I did recently discover that my friends ever-stylish flatmate managed to obtain one of these during those crucial first hours apres-launch last week, I smiled politely but shed a jealous tear inside). The Floral Bodice Top however, would be a season staple, a true day-to-nighter and a much cherished addition to my wardrobe.

So, if you are feeling generous please apply within for details of postage and sizing requirements. I promise that I will wear them to the best of my ability and, as if you needed more reason than making the day of a kind, friendly and polite stranger (thats me), the entire collection is sourced from environmentally adapted, recycled fabrics. You may as well just collect your ticket to heaven now...

Introducing BurgerWatch!™

I love burgers, they are awesome. I seldom find a burger that I don't enjoy every single bite of, and best of all due to the growing availability of those new-age 'gourmet' burgers they are now acceptable eating fayre in (almost) all situations. Recently, whilst lunching, I was horrified by the casual confession that my friend 'doesn't really like burgers', and as he nonchalantly ordered a sandwich (a sandwich! Imagine! I went for a Bacon Cheeseburger, natch.) I swear he must have seen my eyes flickering quickly in my head as I made an instant list of reasons why I shouldn't dis-own him there and then (I'm too nice). What's not to like? (I did actually receive a list-based answer to that question, but I'd stopped listening to him by then.)

So, while I have no snobbery towards this meaty treat - I am equally as happy consuming a quarter-pounder with cheese, as I am gorging on a GBK special - I feel that the only reason a person has for not being a fan is that they just haven't come across the 'right' burger for them.

So, to alleviate this problem, and hopefully justify my indulging in these calorie-laden patties of heaven, I introduce BurgerWatch!™
An occasional (when I've had one) homage to the variety of Burgers available world-wide, and a chance for me to review them - so you don't have too. Meanwhile I'll wait for a call re: my Sainthood...

BurgerWatch!™ # 1. The Grand Union - Clapham, London


The Grand Union's Bacon Cheeseburger - A treat for the eyes, AND the palate!

The Grand Union is my sort of pub. Chilled wine? Yes. Cosy and Rustic? Yes. Gorgeous Gardens? Yes. Full menu of gourmet burger-based treats? Yes. If it was a man, I wouldn't kick it out of bed for making crumbs.

Between myself and two of my favourite girls we ordered a veritable feast of burgers, delicious crunchy fries, AMAZING onion rings and coleslaw. It provided a strong contender for Claridge's Burger of The Year! (a much-coveted award I just invented) and I urge anyone to pay a visit should they find themselves in the area. Obv having fabulous company to accompany your meal comes as standard if you have nice friends, like I do. x


Just a simple Sunday lunch for 3...


Excited before the food arrived! (Im not double the size of Sarah, it's that damn 'perspective' striking again)


Mozza's eyes were screaming for fries

Accidental Cougarism

3 worrying things happened within a recent 24hr period that made me feel like I have inappropriately changed. This is bearing in mind that I have never had an interest in younger men(boys), and don't think its about to start now...

1) I commented on a newly aquired male 'friends' post on Facebook only to discover that they were born in 1991.

2) I became 'friends' (Facebook, as always, has alot to answer for in this situation) with a Father and Son in the same day, without immediately realising the connection.

3) This one is quite bad. While stuck in traffic on the M25 I partook in my usual activity of staring into other peoples cars to see who's about, but had a horrific moment of self realisation when I craned my neck to look into a mini-bus which I knew full well was labelled '******* Grammar School for Boys'. This was no accident - I did it thinking 'well, there's no-one nice in any other car'.

Forgive me Father, for I have (mentally) sinned...

Save yourselves

They may be high-fashion due to their mentions on Glee and by rappers and songstresses nationwide but beware - the SEXT is, evidently, not for everyone. Worst aspect? They can't be revoked and are potentially reference-able forever. If in doubt just go for a timeless 'Hi, how was your day', Its safer and very unlikely to fail in such a harrowing way. Shame really, because when applied correctly they are in my opinion one of the top 10 day-makers.


Next time you find yourself hovering over that 'send' button, consider yourself warned...

Attention Percy fans!

Right, I don't know how to break this news to the purists among you, but mark my words, it is super exciting!

So I was in Marks & Spencers (obv) and just as I was standing at the till realising that, as per every time, I had not remembered to bring bags my eyes were drawn away with some (inner)commotion. It was like the powers that be had finally recognised me as a dedicated follower of their produce and had read my mind in order to create the perfect confectionary.

Ladies and Gentleman I present to you...the REVERSY PERCY!!!!!



Sometimes, there are no words... (I think the Percy on the front agrees)

Amen x

It Erts to keep going...

Lucky girl that I am, I'm writing this as I slowly recover from one of the best weeks of my life spent at the inaugaral Big Snow Festival in Arinsal, Andorra. Having applied to work the event at the end of last season, and finding out that I had a place while in Thailand over Christmas (I'm obviously only writing that as, having started this in March I haven't had opportunity to gloat), it had been a long time in the waiting. Add to that the fact that as a completely new event no-one had any idea what to expect beyond what we have learnt from the many years of UK winter-festival running we have under our collective belts.

Well, disappointed we - and every guest/act/DJ/artist - were not. The atmosphere was awesome, the weather better than we could have hoped and the overall delivery of this exciting new event ensured that this will no doubt be the first of many more Big Snows to come! I appreciate that I may seem like a biased party to all this, but the reviews (much like my hips) don't lie.

So, since I couldn't (and probably shouldn't) possibly mention every good thing that happened during that one crazy week I will list some personal favourites... (in no particular order and most certainly not inclusive)

1) Pendulum - always at the very top of my to-see list on any event bill, Pendulum were on absolute form. Oh, and they played on a specially created mountain side stage and dropped 'Slam' just as a team of skiers descended the mountain carrying torches creating a beyond-awesome effect in the darkness. Mosh pits, beers, lots of dancing, general mentalness = outstanding.

A rubbish photo of the stage which does no justice at all! Pretty lights though..


Mid-performance hero worship

2) Snowboarding! - One incredible perk of working during the festival was getting the opportunity to learn how to Snowboard, attending a 5 day course with our instructor, Punti, who loved a chat. Having virtually zeroboarding experience between us didnt get in our way. Instead, we practised until our knees were black and tender and we could barely sit down without wincing - that said, we looked super cool.


My Board-School Group and Punti. The only problem with having matching festival-branded snowwear is that people expect you to be really good... (P.s Girls, at this point I was crying actual tears like a child because my feet hurt, note how well I covered it up for photographic purposes, although I refused to go and get my board. I manned-up shortly afterwards.)


As I said...super cool.

3) Magners? Plentiful. Eristoff Black? Don't mind if I do.

4) The realisation hitting that when you work for our company, you could be asked to do LITERALLY anything. And you probably will. This weeks challenge? Attempting to be 'bang-tidy' for one day only. For the uneducated in this field, this involves wearing surprise hot-pants, a vest and uggs ("you should take it as a compliment" - once a seller, always a seller) and partaking in what starts as 'having a few pictures with the lads', and snowballs into 'give me naughty, I want naughty'.

Most horrifying conversation of the week?
Me "So, just remind me, what exactly are these photos being used for"
Photographer "Oh, just promo stuff... although they might appear in the magazine"
Me "Oh".


What Viv doesn't know...

5)All the DJ's and Acts being genuinely friendly and really getting involved with the guests and the festival itself even when they weren't playing. So nice when sometimes they are kept away by security people etc. My short-list of favourites in terms of politeness? (You don't get this in Mixmag)
Toddla T (one of the biggest and best surprises of the festival, go and see him if you ever get the chance - amazing!)
Calvin Harris (redeemed himself following our last meeting, or lack of)
Daddy Earl (mainly gave me father-like advice)
Stereo:type (awesome performance, very nice indeed)
Jay Funk (and his missus Kristy) (Lots of fun, and he played his ass off!)



6) Dirty Sanchez's Pritchard & Dainton - The best type of animals!!

Pritchard - best eyes ever!


Dainton - who appears to be a fan of Eristoff Black also!

7)Ok, so its a bit of an odd number to finish on, but otherwise I'll just keep going and this will be the longest post ever. So i'll save the rest for another time and say that number 7 is defo one of the best - spending a week laughing until I cried on a daily basis with some of my absolute favourites. You can't say better than that!










Thanks to everyone involved - until next March! xx
www.thebigsnowfestival.com

Searching for Superstars...

So after 4 hectic, poverty-ridden yet wonderful, months of unemployed fun,games and holidays it was back to work with a bang this week. Obviously the much (not at all) hyped trip to Bolton last week strictly begun my return to the grindstone, but I don't think I'm allowed to comment on that for legal reasons, no really. All I will say, in a mysterious yet telling way, is that I am now not only accredited in some small, very non-specifically-being-identified-here way by CORGI (the gas people), I also hold a Level 2(!) qualification in - wait for it - Food Safety in Catering. I know what your thinking, but green really isn't your colour.

So, onto my 'first' assignment of 2010. Now, I have never been fishing (stick with me), but I imagine that the concept is similar to that of our recruitment academy. Lots of fish, big pond, but crucially - everyone after the same prime catches. Some years the water is plentiful and we can barely turn round without seeing a candidate who we would brand 'the next big one', some years (this one - truth hurts people) things are very different and finding those prized carp (massive guess) becomes more like panning for gold in a sewer. This analogy might become even more appropriate when you discover that this process is held in no other than, you guessed it, Skegness! Days 1-3 of 25 in the dreamland = done.

However, far from being offended if you happen to fall into the category of a) academy attendee and b) reader of this blog (which is, lets face it, unlikely at this stage), it just means that we were in the fortunate position whereby those candidates who made it from nervy assessed public speakers on day one, to fully fledged certified staff on the Sunday morning are in an even stronger position. As always, there were 'yes's', there were 'no's', but I can honestly say that all those who fought their way into the net and made it onto our team for summer 2010 have already impressed me in one way or another, and I can't wait to see how they continue to improve. In the meantime if anyone ever needs to hire someone who has THE.BEST.TIME in all situations to bring life, and indeed soul, to any party then give me a shout - I know just the girl...

Roll on Summer!

(P.s If any of the team happen to read this then please note the faith I already have in you. Don't be rubbish and make me regret it in front of my friends. I'm sure you won't.)

In the beginning...

So, here it is (will be), six years in the making (thinking), the official story behind my consistent seasonal disappearances which will hopefully put paid to all 'hilarious' "did you enjoy your holiday?"-based gags once and for all. I appreciate that the occasional one might still slip through the net, but lets see how it goes...

I only ask one thing in return for what I'm sure will be mountains of literary gold - please censor me when I forget, you know I have occasional issues with appropriateness. Gracias xx